


contradictory

by ouroboric



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: (but that may happen soon), Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, Childhood Trauma, Fire, Heroes, Language, M/M, Murder, Psychological Trauma, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Spectrophobia, Superpowers, and its not kinky you fools, based on another prompt, death of parents, enjoy this trash, im sorry minhyukkie, its mild, jooheons a bit dirty, just hair pulling, just trauma in general, lapslock, not a spinoff of almond milk, sorry guys (not)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-08-28 12:48:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,710
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8446426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ouroboric/pseuds/ouroboric
Summary: when they find out they have powers, unlike most of their generation, they're disgustedalt: very short stories on unwanted superpowersalt title: i (can't) be your hero





	1. anti-

**Author's Note:**

> might be able to write for all of them????
> 
>  
> 
> ????  
> it really depends on what happens in my mind but let's hope

     the wind whistled as it flowed through the many different openings of the tall building and a man slowly approached the edge of one, his stomach dropping. he didn’t want to do this. gulping, he turned to look back at his friends who were watching him with amusement, no concern within their eyes. he’d have to abandon their friendship soon.

 

     he cautiously backed up from the ledge, the clacking gear on his body making him unbalanced. as soon as he backed away a safe distance, his friends started chanting his name, trying to rile him up.

 

_“kihyun! kihyun! kihyun!”_

  


     sniffling, he looked back at his friends fearfully. he didn't want to do this. a worker gently pressed his elbow, urging him to jump. he was clogging up the line. he wanted to curse out the worker, tell her he didn’t want to do this, that it was just a joke. but he held himself back. she was just doing her job.

 

     and so he jumped, vowing as he fell that he would never do this again, until he died.

* * *

 

     kihyun found himself working at a small, boring cornerstore. his friends had been dumped and he truly only had himself and possibly that one guy in his math class even before the bungee jumping incident. he never forgot about the day he developed his fear of heights, nor will he ever. he was only happy he was quite short.

 

     currently, he was wiping down the rather dirty counter with an almost equally dirty rag. there was no one else in the store so he was free to do this and possibly whatever he wanted. he grimaced at the dirt being smeared around, the counter not getting clean at all and spun into the back to get a fresher cloth. the door slammed shut behind him, closing.

 

     he sighed and opened it, and was faced with the muzzle of a gun.

 

     kihyun immediately flattened against the wall behind him, swaying slightly since only half of his body was truly on a wall. he could see it happen as if he were psychic; this was how he was going to die, in a battered t-shirt and dirty jeans, on the floor of a dusty cornerstore. he felt himself curl up on the inside, feeling that he was too young to be gone so soon. he hoped that guy from his dorm building would remember his name, even if kihyun couldn't remember his. the guy _was_ kinda hot.

 

     “hands up, follow my directions and i won't shoot. open the register and hand me the money. now”

 

     the person behind the robbery was a middle-aged man with really short bangs, almost disgustingly short. kihyun wanted to point out that he had probably been jipped at the haircut place he went to but, he valued his life so he stayed quiet and got to work on the instructions he’d been told.

 

     with a high-pitched ching, the cash register opened, and the man’s gun never wavered. taking in a deep breath, kihyun carefully pulled out all the bills from under the clamps, making sure to get all the ₩1,000 bills, no matter how little value they have.

 

     kihyun rubbed the bills between his fingers, thinking that he shouldn't be this cowardly. he was tough, he was. over and over he thought this, until the sound of a gun's safety being pulled reached his ears.

 

     “hand it over, kid.” the man reached out his hands, and that's when kihyun decided he had had it with being pushed around. not only by this man, but by others too. he would _not_ be this cowardly. he might not be able to handle tall structures, but he could damn well handle a bad situation, or at least he thought he could. but instead of words meant to encourage, the man had a gun. kihyun felt like huddling inside, or just letting the man pull the trigger. he wasn't courageous. he wasn't. _he was._ the whispers of doubt dispersed in his head, like fog being and his anger and determination reached his climax.

 

     but before he could say anything, kihyun was floating to the ceiling, along with every other loose item in the store.

based on: [this](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/e3/a0/5e/e3a05e55a2ce021c03e638d23a6e0258.jpg)


	2. bit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;-; i ran out of pre-written chapters
> 
> not beta'd as well as all other chapters
> 
> enjoy?????

     the slap of sneakers on pavement was the only sound to keep jooheon company on his walk back home from school. the cracked, gray pavement provided a monochromatic atmosphere, further increasing his sorrow. he kept his head low, not needing to look up because he had walked this path so many times.

 

     jooheon veered off course, no longer walking in a straight line and accidently ran into the short chain-link fence on his right. he blinked and looked up, he was home. maybe he didnt know the way home as well as he thought he did.

 

     after unlatching the gate, he slowly made his way up the walk, to the burgundy stairs that led to an almost pavement gray porch, stopping at the door. despite being 14 and thinking he knew everything, he was scared. scared of rejection, scared of his own harrowing thoughts. the bright sunny day created quite a contrast compared to his melancholic mood. 

 

     with a pitiful sigh, he knocked on the door, ready for his mother to yell at him about why he was home from school so early. instead of his mother's yelling coming from behind the door, he heard a dog barking. make that many dogs barking. 

     jooheon felt his blood pressure spike, like a sudden, frantic harmony cutting through deep bass. he backed up, off the porch, almost stumbling and tripping down the red stairs, when the door opened and out came four german shepherds. the dogs lunged at jooheon, who had now made it to the gate and was struggling to get it open. 

     jooheon felt a sharp pain in his arm and he almost blacked out from the pain. finally managing to unlock the gate, he rushed out, cursing himself for breaking his glasses the day earlier.

 

     he stumbled down the sidewalk, and fell down, the barking of the dogs haunting him as he slipped into the darkness.

* * *

 

     jooheon, now older and hopefully wiser, had never truly recovered from his past experience with dogs. after he had blacked out, the owner of the dogs, a paranoid little old lady with graying hair and a knack for natural healing had taken him back inside and called his mom. his mom had been worried sick. she had gotten a call from the school saying jooheon had been suspended due to fighting. when he wasn't home after an hour, she had called all her neighbors, lastly calling the old lady. she had rushed over to oddly familiar looking house, forgetting to knock.

 

     after jooheon had woken up, he flinched and shook every time one of the dogs came near to sniff at him and the bandages by his elbow. by the time his mother had came to get him, the neckline of his shirt was soaked in tears.

     following the incident, jooheon had always walked on the other side of the street to avoid the dog house. his mother had forgotten about the whole fighting issue and had used the days to go to the doctor to make sure the bite wasn't infected. luckily, it wasn't and only need seven stitches.

 

     currently, jooheon was in the city, walking to a cafe where he was meeting one of his good friends. they were going to go over notes to prepare for the upcoming exams, neither of them had studied and were in desperate need to. 

 

     slowing down, he checked his watch. cursing under his breath, he read the numbers. he was going to be late. he swiveled his head and his eyes locked onto a nearby alleyway, the end illuminated with sunlight from the other side of the road, the exact place he needed to get to.

 

     turning on his heel, he walked quickly into the dark alley, the earbuds in his ears blocking out any white noise from the city surrounding him.

     the alley was filled with trash cans; some open and spilling, some closed tight. jooheon sped up to walk past them faster and slowed down as he came to a door. above the door, dully illuminating the nearby area, was a fluorescent sign. jooheon read it and declared it unimportant, so he walked on.

 

     he stuck to the metal fence side of the alley, in case anyone came bustling out of any of the many doors leading into the alley. as a song ended and a new one began, jooheon heard something. he stopped and stared at the metal fence, squinting in hopes of seeing what caused the noise. suddenly, a great big dog jumped at the fence, bending it towards the boy on the other side.

 

     jooheon fell to the ground, back hitting the hard concrete. he groaned out in pain, and finally was able to get a good look at the monster of a dog that had come at him. it had brown eyes but the light glinting off of them made them look more gold than brown. the dogs pelt was a deep black, no collar. the dog jumped at the fence again, determined to get to jooheon. despite being terrified, jooheon found it in himself to try and pull himself together. he shouldn't be this scared of dogs at twenty-fucking-two. trying to control his gasping breaths. jooheon started whispering to the dog that was currently snarling at him from beyond the boundary.

 

     “hey, hey. i'm not looking for trouble. you're a good dog right? be a good dog and stop,  _ please _ .”

 

     the dog stopped snarling at once, and laid down, head between it’s paws.

  
_      “i  _ am _ a good dog.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please tell me of any mistakes so that i can fix them, thank you! ♥


	3. beached

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i say constant updates?
> 
>  
> 
> lmao, im sorry. unbeta'd.

     a tall silhouette of a man stood looking over the harbor, blocking the sun that was just setting behind the horizon. the shadowed man had just gotten done with his usual evening swim, and so used to it were the captains of the ships that they always made sure to keep their traps away from his usual swimming area.

 

     the saltwater of the ocean dripped over and down his well muscled skin, making plopping sounds on the haggard wood below. cracking sounds appeared in the still night air as the man made his way to the small parking area, cartilage popping as he went.

 

     hyunwoo slammed his truck door shut, adjusting the towel he was sitting on before peeling out of the area and back home.

     he felt great; with his newly obtained driver’s license he would be able to visit the ocean whenever he wanted, exactly how he did tonight. he finally felt free; felt like he could travel the globe, or korea, at least. he let his hand hang out the window, the cool air of night evoking goosebumps on his skin.

     

     he drove by the gleaming lights of the city, not paying attention to the pedestrians on the sidewalk as his focus was on the road.

 

     hyunwoo came to a stop, and his gaze drifted over to the sidewalk beside him. two people had lit a garbage can on fire and were gaining warmth from it. at first glance, the people seemed normal, but when he looked back over, he swore their eyes glinted golden.

 

     hyunwoo felt uneasy the rest of the week.

* * *

 

     the next friday he decided to head down to the harbor to relax after a laborious week of college. driving past the place he saw the glowing eyes gave him chills,  but he brushed it off as stress and paranoia from knowledge of upcoming exams.

 

     as soon as he parked the truck he ran down to the corroded planks and dived into the salty water.

 

     when hyunwoo came up for air he heard cheering and ooo’s and ahh’s. in his frenzy to get to the ocean he hadn’t noticed the dock workers that were managing the harbor. he smiled, his cheeks heating up and contrasting with the cold of the water.

 

     hyunwoo plunged underwater again with closed eyes, twirling and twisting his body. he felt the water glide against his body, relaxing his tense muscles. if he could breath, he would stay in the ocean forever, but unfortunately, he needed oxygen and he couldn’t get it from the liquid surrounding him.

 

     when he surfaced this time, he didn’t hear the ooo’s and ahh’s of the dock workers, but instead, the screams. the harbor was aflame, fire dancing it’s way dangerously across the old and damaged wood.

 

     he blanched and a feeling of helplessness settled over him. hyunwoo stilled in the water, watching the workers silhouettes as they jumped into the water, abandoning the wreckage. as an act of adrenaline and something he couldn’t quite pinpoint, he quickly swam and grabbed the wooden ladder that lead out of the ocean and scrambled onto the burning dock. 

 

     hyunwoo sprinted across the dock to the area ,that had yet to start burning, closest to the flames.  he had no idea what he was doing.

 

     he was maybe a yard or so away from the fire when it flickered. not like how fire usually flickers, but flickered as if it was fake, or digital,  _holographic_. hyunwoo could hear the workers yelling at him, warning him to get away before it consumed the wood he was standing on.

  
     he took another step forward and the fire flickered and never came back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dunno when the next update will be
> 
> possibly a week?


	4. darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be hyungwon's chapter
> 
> but minhyuk spoke from the darkness
> 
>  
> 
> :^)
> 
>  
> 
> i hate myself
> 
> also.... slightly triggering stuff? it's all down hill from here on out, but i dont want anyone to have a panic attack from this. please comment if some part is crossing the line and i will update the tags.

     gulping, minhyuk looked at himself in the mirror. was he really going out? especially on this day? he shouldn't be. it was supposed to be his day to grieve and try to suppress his grief with cheap alcohol and too much nyquil.    
  


     bracing himself on his bathroom counter, minhyuk screwed up his face, trying not to cry. he tried to find something to focus on, something other than the night his mother was murdered and the start of his father’s relationship with depression and alcoholism. it all felt too soon, and soon enough, minhyuk found himself in a dream, called a nightmare.

 

     the day had started out fine; he had gotten back a test he hadn't studied for with a good grade. a super good grade considering how poor of a student he was. he hoped his parents would be happy. maybe he could convince them to take him out to that new tteokbokki place that had just opened up around the corner. he stared walking faster down the sidewalk, want already feeling the taste of the delicate rice cake in his mouth.

 

     his parents were overjoyed that minhyuk had gotten an A; he had trouble paying attention in class and it seemed to annoy most teachers, so much that they had almost given up on minhyuk entirely, but after minhyuk overheard a fight between his parents about him, he had decided to try and be a better son, one that would impress and make his parents proud. if only to stop the yelling and the fights and the harsh sounds heard throughout the night.

 

     he had managed to convince his parents to go out the restaurant and there they went. the place was mostly outside, which was good, considering minhyuk's mom had an addiction to smoking. she could be free to do as she pleased in this aspect as long as no one complained. but her husband did. he argued with her so much, that they began to fight, and minhyuk had started to cry. noticing their 8-year-old son's upset they stopped and headed home. the sun had gone down, leaving the last few rays of sunshine on the falling on the ground.

 

     as they tucked minhyuk in bed that night, they assured him that they loved him and each other very much, and they promised not to fight anymore. they kept both of their promises that night.

 

     minhyuk didn't remember when or how he woke up, just that he did, and to his father screaming. there was a thud and more yelling, this time of a different voice. deeper than his father's and not the same lilt. minhyuk had pulled the covers off of his form and ducked to his door which was barely propped open. the shadow of man was seen and then heard was the thud of his body. minhyuk stared that the man's bloodshot eyes, a large bruise upon his forehead and blood spilling from his mouth, pooling on the floor. he heard this father crying and looking up, tiptoed over the stranger, to his parent’s open doorway. inside, he had found his father holding tight his mother for some reason his young mind couldn’t fathom.

 

     she looked perfectly fine; despite being paler than she was, she looked alive, but after staring, minhyuk noticed the fallacies. running down his mother's back was blood; deep, dark and red. that was the image that stuck so easily in his head, that and her blank eyes, as if she was finally seeing the world as it was for the first time.

 

     he would never forget how the his father had to be pried away from his mother's corpse, and taken by women and men in uniforms. he would never forget how his father practically slept with a bottle in place of his mother, and how easily he got mad at his own son afterwards.

  
  
     pulling away from his thoughts, minhyuk found himself crying harder than before the nightmare. rivulets falling down his cheeks. he gulped and looked into the mirror. he remembered the darkness that covered the house the years after his mother had passed, the darkness that still lingered in his father, and within himself. it was in his eyes, in his actions and he hated it with a passion. he wanted it gone, he wanted it _all_ gone. running his hands furiously through his hair, he tugged, going for the follicles. it was at that moment his knees buckled, sending him free falling to the floor. he blubbered on the tiles, palms covering his eyes, and in the back of his mind, the vision of his dead mother seared in to never be forgotten.

 

     ten minutes later, he was exhausted and his back hurt from laying on the hard tiles for so long. fumbling to get up he looked for his phone, needing to check the time.  _ shit _ . he'd be late meeting jooheon. he hurriedly turned the water on and splashed it furiously at his face, wishing to drown himself. minhyuk hoped the water would take away his tears. he ran out of his apartment, only backtracking when he realized he forgot to close and lock the door, and then minhyuk began sprinting. as he flew down the stairs, the shadows in the corners seemed to reach out and grab him. minhyuk took a deep breath, as deep as he could get it while running, and told himself what his therapists had said,  _ the shadows aren’t alive, they aren’t gonna get you. _ he might have been 9 at the time he had last went to a therapy session, but he still remembered.

 

      minhyuk wasn’t focusing, his mind was shifting, making him confused. he was on the second to last flight of stairs when he began to think of slowing down. only he misjudged his speed. he crashed into a shadowed corner, only he didn’t feel pain. minhyuk suddenly found himself in an alleyway, illuminated with a single neon sign reading  _ cozy hearts cafe _ in pale pink lettering. minhyuk stood still, that sounded familiar. he breathed, deep and controlled, reciting the breathing exercises he had stored in his mind. he backed up, his back facing a barbed wire gate, trying to get his mind under control. he had been running down the stairs way too fast and crashed, didn't he? an idea passed through his mind and trembling, minhyuk hesitantly passed his hand into the shadow slanting across the concrete. when it should've just been shaded, it disappeared completely.

 

     he whimpered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please notify me of any editing errors, i used ilys for this and tried to edit this (i did it twice)
> 
> apologies if some parts were confusing, bu i hope you enjoyed regardless.
> 
> all the comments you leave make my day, so thank you♥ and happy holidays!!


	5. mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i said i would get this out in a couple of days, didn't i? 
> 
> that being said, dont expect another one until like january. 
> 
> anyway, here's a short one with a side of self-hate and spectrophobia. tags will be updated accordingly.

     hyungwon stared. he didn’t know how long, could’ve been forever for all he knew. all he knew was that he looked terrible. the mirror showed and pinpointed his flaws, the worst part of his face. his too chubby cheeks, his frog lips, his weird-ass nose, the list could go on and on. 

 

      feeling tears spring to his eyes, he turned, trying to rid himself of the image. hyungwon, now in a bad mood, grabbed his bag and stomped out his apartment door, not trying to be late for his class.

 

     the cold wind stung his face, making his cheeks an angry shade of red, matching with his red eyes. 

 

     he stamped passed the reflective windows of the many stores lined on the street, not daring to look at the horrifying image of himself for a second time that day. all he had to do was get to campus, and then he would be free. well, mostly.

* * *

 

 

     hyungwon’s eyes roamed over sentence after sentence, begging himself to remember. if he was going to pass his midterms then he would have to force himself to study, and studying he was.      

 

     he kept his eyes off of his reflective phone screen, trying to will himself to  _ study, study, study. _

 

     with a small giggle, a hand attached to a nuisance covered the passage he was reading (read; staring at). hyungwon threw his head up, popping a joint in his neck. he huffed and glared at the boy's face, willing him to go away with just his thick eyebrows. the boy giggled again.  _ damn you. _

 

     “wow, hyung. you  _ really  _ scare me.” changkyun wiggled his eyebrows, mocking hyungwon’s.

 

     slapping changkyun’s hand, hyungwon opened his mouth to get ready to scold the living fuck out of him, when changkyun suddenly backed off.

 

     he looked spooked; eyes wide and mouth slackened. he stumbled back as if threatened. hyungwon could see him gulp.

 

     “f-fine, hyung. i’ll-i‘ll go.” and with that said, changkyun darted out of the library. hyungwon stared after his friends fleeting back, and then an idea popped into his head. did hyungwon scare him away with his face? 

 

      he slowly looked across to his phone, a weird sensation in his gut. as if in slow motion, his hand grabbed the phone, flipping it to the front. he looked at the reflection.

    
     there was nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you, and as always comment what mistakes you find, it'll help me a lot.
> 
> (also, for those wondering about that almond milk spin-off, it's in the works)


End file.
